Parent Rage

My first experience of parent rage

I was in the office when my one-year-old came to the top of the three slate stairs on his little plastic
bike that led into the office. My three-year-old son came by, and in that moment, pushed his brother
down the stairs. I went off, into a rage, in a split second!
That impulse scared me, I had never felt anything like it.
I have 4 sons. Two of them, I barely need to raise my voice.
The other two sons helped me to discover my dark side, and I’m glad they did. They made me a
better parent.

Why can we go into a rage as parents?

It’s all about control and fear!
Control – pressure to get somewhere on time, refusing to do what I ask, aggression and other
negative embarrassing behaviours.
Fear – not being a good mother, of raising a horrible human, embarrassment and being judged as a
poor parent.
Our children reflect us and our parenting – so it is a tender place for us.

When we experience parent RAGE – or other big reactions – it is a BIG opportunity.
Parenting is an amazing portal into our own crap! It is a sign we must do the work.

Babies, toddlers and teenagers are periods of time that can be really activating.
Do you know why? We can’t control them so easily during these times.

So how do we manage this?

1. Acknowledge its existence, don’t try to hide. Bring light to the shame – it transforms it.
2. Recognise it is never about the child! It is about you! Your feelings – your responsibility! The
child acts as a catalyst, they are pushing your buttons to show you what is there to be
transformed (healed).
3. Do the work! We can’t put our stuff on our own kids. Get help if you need to.
4. Be grateful to life/ your children for showing the way.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself if you have been triggered. This is the deeper inner work inherent to parenting.

Be curious.

What is going on with me right now?
Can you step away from the situation to process, or do you need to park it for later?
What are you feeling in that moment?
Does this remind me of a memory, moment or person?
How old am I in this moment? Do you feel like a young child? How old?
What does that younger part of me need? What did they need, that they didn’t get when you were
younger? This highlights the parts of you that need compassion and understanding.

When we don’t get support to process those feelings as a young child, it can be activated in our parenting.

What are you afraid will happen with your child, if you do not ………(control, interfere, fix, manage)
What resources does my system need to get back in to balance? (Self soothe, reparent yourself, time
out etc)

If it hasn’t been safe for you to feel when you were a child, doing this might feel massive.
Get support, you are worth it.

Consider a community, like our Village, where we dive deeper into these places within our parenting. You are not alone.

The more I did the work, the more I discovered about my inner programs and impulses. This led to
more compassion for me, my boys and other parents.

The more I let go of my need to be a perfect parent and get it right all the time, the less parent rage
would turn up.

When I became a ‘good enough’ parent, I ended up becoming a better parent!

Sending you all raging love,

Tracey