How Birth Sets Us Up For Parenting

Does a pregnant woman wake up in the morning, and say to her partner,“Darling, get me a cup of tea – today I am growing an eyeball!”

No, she doesn’t – well maybe she asks for a cup of tea 😊

She doesn’t need to set to work to make a baby, her body just does it.

Think of all the women who have given birth, for you to exist?
Long before childbirth education was a thing, or epidurals were on the menu.

Childbirth is something wired into our very existence. Perhaps we have learnt to complicate this very real truth.

Perhaps Parenting is too. I’d like to explore the idea that what we learn in birth sets us up for parenting. Let me share with you where this idea came from.

I have an aunty who has 15 children. When I became a childbirth educator, of course I wanted to talk to my aunty who’s had 15 children.

Aunty Robin, tell me about your births?
She said, “every one was different, just like every one of my children is different.”

Really? I replied. I think I believed after 7 or so, they would just fall on out.

Then she went on to say, that she believed her pregnancy, and birth was preparing her to parent this child. I had 4 children myself by this time, and when she said this, I started to connect the dots. I started to see the links between my own experiences and the nature of each one of my children.

When women give birth, they are not delivering a piece of meat, they are delivering a human soul. Each one, is a one-of-a-kind unique piece of creation – never to be repeated.

When they are pregnant, there is this connection – a dance between the two – not only through the umbilical cord but also soul to soul, each one preparing the other for the next stage of life.

How does birth prepare the mother?

She needs to let go of the baby, from her body and then ultimately from her life, as they forge their own path.

She needs to surrender to not being able to control birth. She needs to surrender to her child knowing that she can’t control them or their life.

She needs to let go of her fears, of the pain of childbirth and of the pain inherent to parenting.

She needs stamina to get through the labour and stamina to get through their childhood.

She needs resources to find comfort during labour to deal with the intensity. She needs resources to find comfort during the intensity of guiding this one through life.

She needs to ask for help during birth, as she is vulnerable. She needs to ask for help during parenting because it is not a job to be done alone.

She needs to travel into the mystery with this child of what lies ahead. She doesn’t know who this baby is, and what they are going to deliver into her life, how they will bring great joy and great pain.

She needs to push through what she thinks she can do during childbirth, because she can’t escape. This continues into parenting – we can’t put them back where they came from. She will never escape this child – they are lodged fully in her heart and very existence.

It’s all connected – pregnancy – birth – parenting – one big journey, demanding you to grow together and walk into the mystery of what lies ahead.

It’s a path well worth taking.

For more information on how our classes and community can set you up for parenting, go here:


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